I'm not a morning person

At this point I think it's safe to say that I'm not a morning person. I am frequently reminded of this by family, friends, & peers. And while I don't disagree, I have to ask what's wrong with that? We all have our moments and periods of optimal or shall I say 'enthusiastic functioning'. I know when mine is & it doesn't come before 10 am and some days 10 am is more like noon. Big whoop. I seem to be the only person that doesn't resist this. "You look tired" (I am), "Are you grumpy?" (No, but if you keep asking me that I might be) "What's wrong?" (Well, I just crawled out of my nice, warm, cozy, safe place to be here...to do something that I have to do ie. work, appointments, school...when I'd much rather be sleeping or doing something I want to be doing)...it's really not that complicated...nor is it personal. Get over it. Now I understand how that the tone of this might come off as a little confrontational and that's because due to said resistance I've done my fair share of reflecting, dissecting and blaming myself and I've come to a conclusion that I am satisfied with & it's this simple: I am not a morning person. But let's be clear about whose confronting who.

Maybe you ARE a morning person, you can jump out of bed each day refreshed, chipper, ecstatic to be alive, and chatty as hell;) That's awesome. Really. I'm happy for you, but for some of us this enthusiasm takes a little longer to generate or comes to us at a different time during our day. Do I question that you're an apparent ray of sunshine? Or assume that it's directed at me or a reflection of me? Do I tell you that you need to tone it down because I'm having a hard time understanding or dealing with it? No, I don't. I let you react to life as you choose without feeling like I have to accommodate or mimic it. It's called respecting differences and it makes the world go 'round.

Now I feel like I should clarify. I know the difference between not being a morning person and being a downright asshole. I think we can all agree on that. I'm not talking about being a miserable, angry person and attempting to make everyone else share in my angst. I'm taking about respecting myself and knowing that I need some time to adjust to the world, gather my wits, and get my feet underneath me before I attempt to share who I am with others- which is neither miserable nor angry. What I find increasingly irritating is when I'm not "allowed" to do so. Have you tried approaching me or are you just scared because I'm not smiling from ear to ear and meeting your communication with sheer (albeit feigned) enthusiasm? That's what I thought. Forgive the sincere bluntness of my next statement: THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM. I will no longer feel sorry about it or be made to feel like I need to change or "work on it". Now, If you find that abrasive, I challenge you to ask yourself why? This might sound harsh, but your need to call me out for not being morning person has more to do with YOU than it does with ME. I've learned to adjust and tolerate your habits in my own way, why am I not allowed this same courtesy? Because it makes you uncomfortable? Sorry, but that's not good enough.

Initially I anticipated that this piece would entail a lengthy description and explanation of why I am the way that I am, the experiences that I believe have led me to my label of "not a morning person" and how I think this is likely to change in the future. But that's not the point. Nor is it any of your business...or probable interest. I don't owe anyone an explanation. The point is that everyone is the way they are for a reason (a lot of reasons). And it isn't up to you or me to decide whether we deem these reasons acceptable causes for habits or character. It's about trusting that just as you have your reasons for being the way you are, so does everyone else and we are connected in this...that despite our understanding or lack thereof we trust in the validity of these experiences. This is called 'benefit of the doubt' and without it we are lost.

We live in a world where we're taught to be agreeable and to accommodate others at the expense of our own wellbeing...and where does that get us? I'll tell you. It gets us to a place of insincerity, inconsistency, fake smiles, small talk, and bullshit. You know what I'm talking about. It's all related. I'm not angry. I don't hate my life or my job. I don't hate you...that is unnecessarily dramatic not mention conceited. It is not your responsibility to take my personal morning development into your own hands and then take it even more personally when it backfires. Relax. Give to people the space to be themselves and in turn give yourself the space to accept it. You never know they might just surprise you. And you might just learn that being withdrawn and introverted is not the same as being grumpy just like smiling and putting on a show isn't the same as being happy. What a concept. Here's another one, I work in customer service & I don't do fake. What I do DO, is respect and honesty. Does it work for everybody? Of course not, but I'm never going to be able to accommodate everyone and neither are you. So honor who you are and stand up for yourself even when its not the popular consensus. Stop resisting, choose yourself. Happy Hump Day:)